-- g u i l t y [ AS ] c h a r g e d -- [open]

[miss. s k i p]

c l e a r g a z e

Guilt is heavy. So heavy. It pressed down on me like the humid greenleaf air, like the water in the lake. It strangles me, drowns me, pushes me under. My breath was heavy as I made my way back to the Thunderclan camp, although I had barely broken leisurely walk. I spread my jaws and panted, tongue still in mouth. I felt suddenly overcome by a shocking wave of heat, which thankfully passed as quick as it had come, only to be replaced by another flash of heat. What was going on?

It was frigid. An early morning in bareleaf. There was no reason for the sudden rushes of heat to be overcoming my system. None at all. Another one hit me, just as hard as the first, and I felt the first beads of sweat popping from the pink of my skin underneath the blanket my gray fur, already thickening in preparation for the coming snows and cold, bitter weather. A short rustle sounded from within the dead fallen leaves on the ground from my left. I whirled at the noise, startled, and quickly sniffed in a deep breath, searching for a scent.

It was nothing. Only a mere starling. Nothing to be so flighty about. Why was I being so jumpy in the first place? Why was I being so nervous lately. Great Starclan. Get ahold of yourself Cleargaze, I thought, rashly chiding myself. Taking another sniff at the air, I smelled Thunderclan cats all around me. Strong. Homely. But somehow, wrong. I had reached the camp and could smell the tunnel before me. I sat down, and took a deep breath, desperately trying to get my heartrate in check before entering the camp.

They knew me well. The other Thunderclan cats will only need to take a look at me and breath in to know something is wrong. Different. They will see my nervous stance, my tail held low, claws unsheathed, my hair bristled slightly. I made an attempt to raise my tail casually, but noticed it felt twitchy and akward. I let my claws slide back into their holds, and took a deep, calming breath, willing my fur to smooth. As for my facial expressions, I knew not what they were up to, and quickly gave up on adjusting them to disguise my guilt.

Then there was my smell. I must reek of Windclan, having secretly stole away during the night with the mysterious Ravenwing. Ah, Ravenwing. He was calm, yet distraught, I could tell by the very vibes he was radiating. His pelt was sleek and black, with the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen. Actually, I must admit they are the only eyes I had ever seen. The dark Windclan cat came to me in my dreams, the only time I can actually see. What a pain it is being blind...

This was how it came to be. I saw him, Ravenwing, the cat of my dreams. At once, I knew I must meet with him. This proved to be rather difficult, as I didn't know if the dream was Starclan sent or random, if Ravenwing was a real living, breathing creature, or just a figment of my overactive imagination. My heart was soon filled with hope and urgency on night, only a moon later. It was the night I would meet him, I knew it. And so I sneaked away in the night, and we did in fact collide. Literally. We ran smack into each other, beginning our relationshiop with a startling jolt. The rest was magic.

Oh, here I go again. Rambling off about a cat I will probably never see again in my life, although I desperately wish to. I brushed the whole night into the back of my mind, leaving it to mull over later, perhaps before a good nights rest. Speaking of rest, I could use some. I made a mental note not to pull all-nighters very often. Before trotting into camp, I rolled in a pile of rotting leaves, covering my Windclan ridden fur, and in the process happened to disrupt a scavenging chipmunk. I quickly slapped a heavy paw over it, holding it down, and killed it quickly with a nip in the neck.

I gathered the body in my mouth. It was small and limp, dangling in my jowls as I padded into the center of camp. I made a beeline for the fresh kill pile, fighting against my fear, my nerves, and my jitters in a seemingly helpless attempt to look normal. Calm. Yeah, like anyone will ever believe my little act. Why even try? They will surely see right through...Troubled thoughts filled my head, buzzing around like angry bees from the fabled buzzy-tree. I dropped the chipmunk in the pile, and suddenlt wished I could blend into the walls of the camp and be seen by no one. No one at all. I tried to look normal as I hurried to the Warriors Den, hoping to sneak in a quick nap before the day got started.